Serenity in the Face of Adversity

When we think of beauty, we tend to think about outer appearances such as someone’s makeup or the color of someone’s skin. However, it is much more than one’s physical being that makes them beautiful. It is their character, strength, the reputation they create for themselves, and their experiences. Difficult times in one’s life are what molds a person to be who they are. An event that has sculpted me into the person that I am today was when I was in a car accident eight years ago. That cold autumn morning of November 19, 2012, I underwent five surgeries, and if I’m honest, my time at the hospital was a blur. What I do remember is my long and painful road to recovery. I could write about the struggles that I encountered as a result of this incident, but I would much rather write about how this tragic event gave me strength, helped me find my inner beauty, and led to my discovery of my passion, writing.

After the accident, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t recognize myself. I had a bunch of scars covering my body that disgusted me every time I looked at them. They served as constant reminders of the suffering I endured. This was the start of my struggle with beauty and the beginning of my journey with journaling. After the accident, I didn’t feel like myself and my actions reflected that. I slowly started to lose all my confidence and felt as though I had no one to turn to, but my paper and pen. This insecurity manifested its way into a multitude of challenges in my life that were difficult to overcome. For example, whenever someone spoke to me, my eyes were glued to the floor and I could barely get my words out to formulate sentences, as I was filled with anxiety. I felt as though people would think differently of me or be disgusted because of how swollen and fractured my face looked after the surgeries, so I tried altering my body, which was, at the time, the only thing I had control over. After my broken jaw had fully mended and I was able to chew again, I

began rationing my food intake in the hopes of Photo By: "Saffron"

achieving a magic number on the scale that doesn't exist, and this only worsened from then. To pass the time and take my mind off the things that I couldn’t change, I began staying up late nights reading poems from famous authors who are now inspirations to me, such as William Ernest Henley and Sandra Cisneros. I then climbed my way up the ladder of literature and dared to write my own poetry, many about my physical appearance and my fear of the uncontrollable.

Because of the mental distress that I endured, I was petrified of getting into cars until I realized the role they played in my life. It wasn’t until about four years later that I realized my life is like a car in many ways. The engine in my life is my mother. Much like a car engine converts gas into motion for a vehicle, she helps me turn my fears into inspiration to keep moving forward and get past dark times. My faith is the steering wheel, reminding me that there is a divine being above who has everything under control and continually reminds me that everything happens for a reason. My friends and family are the wheels of my car. They help me move on and continue to get me places. After realizing that I have a great support system, I slowly started to blossom into the beautiful person that I am today and began accepting that my body is beautiful the way that it is. I began believing that my beauty goes beyond my physical appearance; it is also the strength of my character, which I choose to show proudly every day.

I realized that I am the driver. I am in control of how I view difficult situations and myself. This incident, which I thought cost me my beauty, is what I look at in the rearview mirror. Throughout the past few years, I have also found my passion, which has allowed me to write my way out of difficult times. This era of my life taught me something that no one else could have; I have learned to love myself and all the changes I have gone through and continue to go through. I chose to use this experience as a tool to help me grow as an individual and find myself.

With that being said, I would like to thank you for being a part of this journey I call my life, and for reading my first blog. Despite having faced hardships, I’ve learned to let my pen lead my words to write my worries away. Today, I can proudly say that I have written over a hundred pieces of literature including haikus, poetry, and short stories, which I hope to share with you all soon, and I am not stopping there. I will continue to write on this blog, my Instagram, @saffronwrites, and hopefully, be able to create a book of my works to share with the world. I hope that through this blog, you are

Photo By: Paris-Chic able to find inspiration and comfort in my

words. I look forward to writing more with

you all.

xo,

saffron